Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
