I just made out with a guy for $7.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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