Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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