My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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