WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
