Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
