My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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