before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize