The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
