I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize