how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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