I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
