Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize