You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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