WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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