If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
