In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
