I think I died a long time ago.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
