What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
