you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
