She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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