He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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