If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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