Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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