happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
