I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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