I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sarcasm needs its own font
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize