are you still at the devil's house?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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