That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
