i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
