My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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