So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
50% drunk capacity currently
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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