My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
