Well douche your snatch and let's go!
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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