You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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