PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
