eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
