I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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