Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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