despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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