And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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