Whod you bang
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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