we're blogging at a bar
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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