i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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