he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He passed out mid-signature
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
