she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
