Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
