So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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