people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
