meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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