New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize