do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
