I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
