I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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