I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
