I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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