it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
