How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
