The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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