its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
