I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
