Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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