In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
