Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
