and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
nutella sex= disaster
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
