Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
