Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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