did you get engaged???
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
